I write today in an appeal for help. Family, friends, I have come to you for guidance and trusted advice over the past 30 years. I come to you today because I need to find a way to deal with the feral dogs outside my apartment window. For the past 3 nights I have been treated to, what sounds like, several stray dogs intent on killing, or at least slowly torturing, one another in the parking lot behind my apartment. They hold a standing appointment at 2:45 am with encore performances at 4:15 and 5:45. These are not merely obnoxious barks, these are calls to attack mingled with the agonizing cries of the defeated. I nearly broke down this morning and committed the classic ghetto act of screaming out the window: "SHUT THE BLANKETY-BLANK UP!"
Fortunately I was able to maintain a shred of dignity and instead, got dressed and walked over to the house at 6:30am
My trusted confidants, if you have any guidance (or a small handgun) I would be in your debt.
11 comments:
Oh no! That's awful! I will send "Shut the !#$$#^#!@ up, pups!" thoughts in your general direction.
How I wish I had a real solution for you. Being as though there's not an ASPCA handy - maybe you can find a way to make them move to a new neighborhood. Spay and Neuter would help the problem - but unless you've taken up Veterinary Medicine in your "spare time", I'm thinking that's not a viable option either. I'll keep pondering. Should we send ear plugs?
maa
A squirt gun helps me keep my cat in line. Not sure how close/far away you are from the dogs, but would a super-soaker help??
Good with this one!
Becky
I like M80 strapped cans of mace (homemade mace grenades!), or epicak marinated steaks, but I'm sick like that. (And I'm also all talk and no action on that type of thing anyway.) Otherwise.. maybe turning the TV on or earplugs, or some combination of the two?
Do they bark in georgian? How would you know?
Open a Chinese restaurant
The flickr looks like an ad. But its really good stuff. The panoramas are impressive in the large format.
MBM
Feral dogs?
Are they indigineous to your area?
Brooke
Throw them some peanut butter balls. They will be licking their gums too much to fight. And leave the trail of peanut butter balls so they end in the middle of a busy road and get run over. Then open a chinese resaurant.
i would recommend gathering up some food and putting it on the other side of the building...the dogs will get a quick meal, relocate and bother someone else. Nick
Hey Megtoy--
It is us, the feral dogs who are barking outside. We want food. We want all things tasty. Maybe some chickens stuffed with squirrel? Mmmmmmmmnnn. We think those would be tasty. Until you feed us, rub our nasty bellies and scratch behind our ears we will torment you with much barking at all hours of the night.
Please submit to our requests.
Love,
The Feral Dogs
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